Getting by on Valentine’s Day, with a little help from Astrology! Part 2 - by Margaret Gray MSW. D. Psych. Astrology

2.     Recognizing a Compatible love partner

There are many reasons why individuals are drawn to each other at a particular time in life. Those of us who believe in past lives suggest that attractions are based on prior agreements to meet and continue part or all of the life journey with that person, particularly if they are twin souls. Astrologically, planetary and Nodal connections from one chart to the other can often be seen when there are strong past life connections and between the charts of twin souls. As if by clockwork, when major planetary transits come along and wake up those configurations, lovers meet and feel drawn to each other. The task then is to understand what the connection is about and to choose if and how to pursue it!

Some Psychologists may describe attractions as a draw to individuals who appear to offer the potential to heal early childhood issues. Hence if a parent died or left early in life there may be an unconscious attraction towards someone who appears to be able to fill that gap, or towards someone who is unavailable thus facilitating the resolution of the original grief, or there may be an avoidance of intimacy for fear of loss. Astrologically the potential for some of these dynamics are visible by the position of the Sun and Moon and planetary aspects to them in the Birth Chart. For example if the Sun is in Pisces and/or in aspect to Neptune in a birth chart, there is the possibility that one’s birth Father may not have been very present early in life. If this planetary configuration is in one of the relationship houses in the chart which are the 5th, 7th or 8th, it is more likely to emerge as something to be explored on several occasions in adult relationships.

Spiritually we can view relationships as two loving energies coming together and creating a third powerful bigger energy based on love. This third entity has something greater to offer to the universe, than each individual on their own. Besides giving birth to children, this may emerge as joint projects, creative endeavors, being of service etc. Astrologically the greater purpose of all relationships can be seen in the Composite chart, which is basically the two individual birth charts merged together. The position of the Sun in the Composite chart is an excellent indicator of the higher purpose and contribution of the relationship. For example a composite Sun in the 3rd house is an indicator of a couple who have come to communicate something important to the world through their relationship. This may manifest in tangible form through joint writing or speaking, or it may simply be through how they communicate with each other and others.

Astrologically the issue we commonly call compatibility describes whether we have enough connections to move from ‘initial attraction’ to  ‘dating’ and onto ‘a relationship’!

There are several astrological factors that are helpful indicators of a likely progression to this stage including:

a)     Lots of astrological connections between the two charts. The nature of those connections describes whether it is a supportive connection or a more challenging one. Ultimately if the balance is in favor of more supportive connections, a relationship will find it easier to surmount challenging times. A supportive connection for example is the Sun of Person A conjunct the Venus of Person B – assuming that Person B has developed their self-value as Person A will illuminate it!

b)     The willingness and ability by both individuals to do their personal growth work at a fairly similar pace. This is not visible astrologically. What is visible however are the planetary transits which each person and the relationship chart is going through. Transits are awakening calls by the planets. If one or both individuals is not willing or able to answer the call, a relationship is unlikely to work, as the gap in growth between both is likely to get wider and wider.

3.     Working through Relationship Challenges

Having moved into the 7th house of one to one relationships, the next stage is for the relationship to move into the 8th House of Intimacy. This includes depth emotional and sexual intimacy as well as dealing with shared finances. This realm can only be inhabited if both individuals can tolerate vulnerability which in turn can only be borne if each person has a solid sense of self and has developed sufficient internal resources to deal with the potential of rejection and abandonment, as well as the overwhelment of possible engulfment. By its nature love always includes birth and death - Eros and Thanatos! Without the ability to deal with both, authentic love is impossible as all relationships inevitably end either through choice or through the death of one or other.

The placement of the planet Mars in the Birth chart also plays an important role in relationships as it reminds us of what we are attracted to as well as when our boundaries are crossed. Physical and sexual attraction becomes particularly important during challenging times in relationships as it can create a bridge over troubled waters! Mars in the form of anger also enables us to maintain our sense of individuality through alerting us when our personal boundaries have been crossed. Finding ways to express this in a constructive manner is key to overcoming challenges as Marshall Rosenberg highlighted in his work on Non Violent Communication.  

As the story of St. Valentines highlights, love requires courage, integrity and the willingness and ability to love another human being regardless of their behavior, in the way that Valentine cared for and healed the daughter of one of the men who sentenced him to death. The first step in doing this is to love ourselves!

Happy Valentines Day! 

Legal Copyright of Margaret Gray January 2016